Updates and such...

Let's see. This month has been defining for myself and my family. We have been back in Raleigh since September and somehow it feels as though we are still adjusting- adjusting financially, culturally, and most of all mentally. Work is finally picking up for Brian, which is wonderful. It will be nice to maybe feel a little comfortable for a while. Life in the South is very different than what my husband is used to out west. He is adjusting beautifully and truly loves it here. I'm sure it was a shock going from Utah, to Texas, to North Carolina! However, we are at home here. Slowly making new friends. Neither of us have family here, and it's really hard, but we are HOME.

Despite not having actual kin here, we have an amazing church family filled with wonderful, kind people. I've never enjoyed Sunday School as much as I do 'nowadays.' I praise God for the opportunity to sit and study scripture with other wonderful couples and most of all, with my husband. Every day we get one step closer to a "Christ centered marriage." It will still take some time, but we are growing...together. Isn't it cool? How we broke the religious lines and how God is using us and WILL continue to use us in the future? Brian and I used to have very little in common. We are, with God's help, changing that. He is molding us. We are both finding comfort in His true Gospel. It was something we were very unsure about for the first year of our relationship. I've always known God, but now I can truly see Him blessing us and working in our lives. It's really cool, my friends. No matter how difficult of a situation Brian and I seem to find ourselves in, He always provides. I stand in awe of His miracles.

For instance...
The power of prayer, folks, is... NO... the power of God THROUGH prayer is incredible. Just this week my grandmother went into the hospital with Emphysema and Congestive Heart Failure. The doctors told me she would not live without the machines breathing for her and that it would be my decision when to let her leave this world. I was crushed. I felt like my heart exploded in my chest. She's my mother for all intents and purposes and most of all my best friend. She knows me. She's the only person in this world that truly KNOWS me. However, somehow, just yesterday, I called the hospital and heard her beautiful voice on the other end of the phone. She was off the ventilator, breathing better than before she was taken to the hospital. God is good. Thank you, Lord, for hearing our prayers and for giving this wonderful person a little more time with us.

Other things, let's see.

I auditioned and was called back for one of the lead roles, Clara, for the musical "The Light in the Piazza." When I first auditioned, I had no expectations at all. So many amazingly talented musicians auditioned, but I was actually called back! Callbacks were Saturday. I'm all but sure I did NOT get the role of Clara, simply because- although my second audition was good, it was not my best. I have a hunch the directors were somewhat sweet on one of the other three girls up for the role. She had a pretty fair second audition. If she is cast for the role, I am positive she will do great! I, however, will not mind at all being in the ensemble cast. It will probably be better to accept a smaller role at first. I need to get my sight reading skills back up to PAR! It will be great preparation for my next audition endeavor.

As for my family life. Things get better everyday. I love that. Things always get rocky, but they always end up better than before. I truly have been blessed with a very patient and understanding husband! Which are important traits if you wish to be married to me. I can be quite spontaneous and impatient. I like things to happen immediately. I cannot help it. It is both a blessing and a curse. Micaiah-- I don't talk about this wonderful person enough. She has brightened my life in ways I never thought possible. Everyone talks about their kids being the light of their lives, but with my daughter, this couldn't be more true. My life has felt somewhat desolate and incomplete for many years. Then Micaiah swiftly and unexpectedly entered my life. She's very special. She can make me smile when my heart is completely broken. I cannot wait until we can lay around and have wonderful mother/daughter conversations together. I cannot wait to see her all grown up, even though when those days come I will long to hold her tiny infant self in my arms again. Parenthood. My goodness. It changes you. Heart, mind, body, and soul. All for the better.

Thanks for reading today. I will try to update more often. Blogging--so therapeutic.

Been a while...

Where to start. There are so many things going on in my life right now. I am sure many people can relate to that statement!

Today the weather here in Raleigh was simply perfect. Even though it was nearly ninety degrees outside, it was beautiful, and it was also FRIDAY. So I made frozen pina coladas w/raspberries! Yum!

Now I should back up a bit... I should first warn any readers that there are some things that I need to say, some things that are eating away at me. If anything is offensive... I am sorry you feel that way.

Starting on February 5th, I offered a fellow co-worker a place to live. This co-worker had two teenage children; truthfully, two 'decently' well-behaved teenage children. They were all going to be homeless and it would only be for a month (right...). Did I mention they also had a very large dog and a cat? We all know where the story goes. A month turns into almost 2 months etc etc. Despite everything though, I have no regrets. It was worth cleaning after a thirteen year old girl, fifteen year old boy, fifty year old woman, 1 large dog, 1 small dog, and a cat, and even worth the feelings of extreme discomfort in my own home to ensure a comfortable stay for my guests. It was difficult to tell them they could not come back into our home again, but it simply had to be done. I must worry about my own family's needs first.

They were supposed to be out of the house before the arrival of my Brother and Sister-in-law. They weren't of course, but we managed to squeeze My husband, my four month old, my dog, myself, Catherine, her two kids, her dog and cat, my brother-in-law Spencer, and his wife, Abbie into a 3 bedroom, two story house. Incredible, I know. :-)

I'm a huge fan of having company. I love to entertain. It was quite pleasant having Brian's family in our home. Especially since all of our family live so far away, especially his! Their stay here in Raleigh seemed so short-lived. We enjoyed a wonderful day at the beach and several games of "Mormon Rook" and Mario Kart. We also enjoyed a wonderful Sunday at my church, which was quite unexpected. I'm sure it took nerve for them to attend a Southern Baptist church with us...Which brings me to my next thought.

My heart has become very hard lately. I have lost tolerance for religious lines. My husband being LDS never bothered me until the beginning of December when my Mother and Father-in-law visited. To put it lightly, they pretty much opened up Pandora's Box. Brian and I have not been the same since. Our marriage has been put to the test for sure. Thank God for my sweet, sweet child for holding us together and helping me to understand what is truly important as a parent and a wife.

It's not that my mother-in-law did anything wrong by "preaching" and pouring her heart out to me that I was holding my husband back from covenants he made with God. She simply opened my mind to a world of differences between myself and them. Me, the singular and them, the plural. After feeling like so much of my understanding of my own husband had been shattered, I felt lead to pour my heart into research of God's word. I studied every source available for the Book of Mormon and LDS doctrine, and of course the comparison to the Bible. I even considered the ultimate sacrifice of abandoning everything I know and converting to Mormonism to "save my husband" and essentially, my family. Not that I believed anything from the LDS doctrine, I simply wanted to make our family, a FAMILY. I didn't want to feel lonely anymore.

You see, I don't have any family left other than my very sick grandmother and a "father" that has nothing to do with us. So one can understand how it gets to be lonely when you cannot even relate in a spiritual sort of way to the man you've devoted to spend the rest of your life with. Deep down inside I've developed a self loathing. More than that I've developed a loathing for most anything associated with the Church of Latter Day Saints. I know this fact will hurt many people who may read this blog entry, I sincerely apologize.

I don't need to get into the many things I've uncovered in my research into the Bible and Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, and Pearl of Great Price. Some of my readers will be quite unfamiliar with a couple of those titles, as I once was, but I encourage those of you to research as well. It will certainly bring you closer to the grace and freedom of Jesus Christ in which I am familiar. I'm sure if I continue with my "preaching," it would only turn into more speculation and ridicule of a religion. There are many, many "mentionables" that will have to wait for another time. I, however, challenge the members of the LDS church to ALSO delve into research of their own church history and question their beliefs --if only to bring them closer to the salvation they know and already believe wholeheartedly.

I am pleased to report that this religious difference has tried and tested my marriage only to strengthen and nourish it. We are well on our way to familiar and similar religious lines to serve as a solid foundation to raise our daughter. I am proud to be married to Brian. He is smart and stubborn all at the same time. He is the most patient and trusting man I've ever known. God truly dwells in his heart and is working for our family and not against it. We study and research together and find meaning in God's true word. We will continue to grow as we begin to sincerely dive into His words and not the words of a 'prophet' who may or may not be 'true.' He is gaining a more open mind and heart to God's true sacrifice for our salvation and what it truly means to be saved. I'm proud of our family overcoming the odds and proud of Brian for being strong minded through what must truly be a difficult time for him.

I leave you, friends, with a few final thoughts to ponder. My Jesus Christ, Oh Lamb of God, was sacrificed so that we may live and dwell WITH God one day in the presence of His glory. No amount of good works or ceremonies of this Earth can replace the saving grace of God. The focus should always be on God and never on the vessel.

I Believe in the Cross and the Lamb who was slain for cleansing of our sins. I believe the Bible is the only true word of God and "no one shall add or taketh away from it," and that His grace is sufficient. Sufficient for ALL who are SAVED to dwell in His kingdom forever, and ever. Thank you Jesus for dying to save this wretched, lonely soul. He is risen. Amen. *Happy Easter Everyone*


Brian and I watched this video together today. It discusses the "Lost Book of Abraham." It was definitely an intriguing argument and we both agree on its content. Watch only with an open mind and spirit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcyzkd_m6KE&autoplay=1